Totaly Clips Of The Heart

I still remember that night close to the point of no return, how you pleated.

 "just a little bit longer"
 "its not so faraway from my goals in loosing weight".

I had been threading to go with our problems to your parents for they wore taking ower our lives and you did not listening to my warnings.

So I explained it for you ones again that our use of speed was just before getting to the point of no return, and if I did this for you, you had to promise me not to leave me alone at this place. Coze alone I did not know if I would make it back. Mostly becouse of my history with drugs, after all I had been cleen and sober for 6 years when I meet you, that ware at the time 2 years of non stop on speed abusing, something I helpt you stoping at the time, and redusing by the price of loosing my sobrierty.

 But I was so in love with you and like always was willing to offer everything for you. To be with you and to be yours, as I  later  did again and again for you, how through it all and by the end of our relaitionship, did not offer a thing for me. Not even a honest secound chance.

And that was after 5 years relationship, 3 of them engaged, we wore planing to get married that sommer or 6 months later, I had had yes from the bank to 2,6 million nkr loan for buying our first appartament somthing that was planned to buy 4 months later, and we were trying to have a child or so I thought, and in personal matters I was back in scool while working at the same time, been mention to a higher possision or a raise. 

Little did I suspect, fully I trusted you blindly, litle did I know of your comming betreial, the break up that all months mention before are mesured from.

By the way, did you know that love is mesured in trust and not sweet talking bullshit, meaning word without action and unrelistic promisis about things no one can fullfy exept, you, your self. ? Things like, happyness forever, spontaius exiting life and economic safty. You must remember this promisses from your lover your boss how gave them to you and this you told me you had choosen in stead of love, when you left me for this fully planed father of 2.

Later to be known to be all things you alredy had with me and did not get with him, or frankly just to be lies that made you offer everything for nothing, exept sex, he used you to expiriences his fantasies, that poor man that had not been having sex for over 2 years and only hed had a one lover before you.

An alcoholic sexoholic porn addicted selfsentered egoist.

But back to us..

Well the promiss that you gave me it was a holy promise to me and I believed in your words and I did relaid on them and of coarse I gave in for your longings like always. I could never say no to you. 

You wore the love of my life.

But you did leaft me alone at this place, and not only did you do that, you did such a ugly things to my on the way, like using my by giving me false promisses and expctaitions and you kept on doing it. Hurting me and damaging me for a one and a half year after you had left me for another man, that you became engaged to one month after saying your 2 months love affair with him was over to me. You said it was me you had chosen. And after all this you wore still coming back to me, having sex with me, saying it was me you really and truly loved. Making me driving you to your new home with him afterwords. 

Some of the damages you did to me will never be fixt, it is so serious.

And after it allt you are still demanding to keeping me in your life, inviting me to be friends with benefit, talking freely about your lovers and sex life to me.

 Its a totaly clips of the heart.

Well my life hasn't been easy at all during this and after this. Her I sit alone with bills with your name on it, that I am responsible of. Coz you had no credit when you came to this country. And when you came I invested in you gave you home with everything you needed and fixt a car. All this I did In 2 months, You did not like the place we lived in so I used my money to move you to the place you live in today and kept you going till you found a job. And in stead you had a love affair with your boss, destroyed my reputation with your justified lies ther, so I had to leave, and I live in another part in this country today.

You have ruined me completely in all matters that can be, and when Im with you I'm not to aloud to mention it coz it gives you bad feeling about your self ?

What goes on in your head, I really don't know, but what I do know is that I don't know you any longer.

I dont consern you as a good person and I don't want you anymore in my life. 

You must be fully aware and understanding why I want to keep on going with my life with out you in it ?

I gave you 6 chances to come back and fix this with me, most of them because you asked me for it, to keep your promises to me, to make it up to me. And everytime I belevied in you and though we could get over all this together coz we were in this together

 But you never did.
 But you did let me down each and every time for another man, lied, cheated and hold me back, stuck in this hell of drugs and the walls of your dishonesty. 
And every time I was getting over you or meat a new woman, you came back destroying my chances getting away from you.

Its not a very nice thing to do.

Today I am through with and over you, and I do forgive you, your evil doings.

But that does not make what you did to me ok.

On that I will not be going in to anymore details her and now coz it is still a bleeding wound  thats covers my whole soul and I'm so tired of  feeling the pain from it that I don't want to experience it anymore by being remindet of it, by its details.

Its not because it makes you feel bad about your self, that's your problem. 

You know what you did and no matter how you justify it and changes the truth to others you can never change your own knowledge's about what you did and how you did behave at that period and I certainly will never be able to forget.

So

Don't ever come around her anymore. 
Don't say hello to me. 
Do not ever speak to me again.

I have had enough of you. 

I cant do any more of you.
And against all odds I still remember everything.

But I'm going to forget that I ever did known you.
It is so serious.

At the end like always..............

Have a nice life.